Big lights, flashing colours and celebrity friends—that’s the life of a copywriter specialising in brand strategy at New Word Order. But if you’re reading this, you deserve to know my secret.

Hazel.

She’s a hairy brunette with bad breath and an incessant need to have her tummy rubbed. She’s our office dog and my copy guru. Hazel doesn’t like to be “owned” but clearly her people, Suzanne and Scott, have made an impact because she is a sage.

When we first met, she devoured my CV with its ramblings about “journalism under-grad this” and “marketing post-grad that”. So what if I have mar-comms experience? She wanted more—literally, more paper to eat.

So, I delivered. I put my best foot forward: brand research, analysis, strategy, creative and feature writing, workshops and interviews. It wasn’t enough.

One stormy afternoon, Hazel padded into the room, fed-up with my lack of genius and the lack of Kobe beef in the fridge. She found her seat on the floor like a comet finding the side of a craggy mountain peak.

She paused to scan the room, listening for potential intruders. Then, she sniffed at me.

And her stifling exhale was a copy masterpiece. From that day on, our arrangement was simple: I claimed the glory while she carried out a simple life of fame-free carnivorous bliss and covert creative expression.

Hazel is unlike any Labrador I’ve ever met, and I’d hate to see her dreams unravel. But our work at NWO is so good, I suspect I’m not the only one who’s bought into this scheme.

So, I’d like you to dig deep and ask yourself: Do I want to expose this scandal, or do I want my next project to be extraordinary?

Either way, you know who to call. I leave the decision with you.

Qualifications:

Bachelor of Journalism (QUT) and a Master of Business, Integrated Marketing Communications (QUT)

Speciality:

Copywriting, research and strategic insights

Poison:

Vino

Spirit animal:

I’m a bit of a turkey (see below)

Secret skill:

Learned conversational Tolkien elvish when I was 14: mae govannen!